,love

You climb that tree, love - When you want to see if there really is a god above. You climb that tree and you look at the horizon, And that's your whole world right there, And it's waiting for you to climb down, Climb down and take a careful step after a reckless one. Take another and another step further, Until you discover everything you've been afraid of so far. Someday you'll take on running through the fields of the unknown, Into to the darkness I cannot bring you back from, And soon you will learn that where you end up is not where the horizon ends, And that the god is not running with you - He's not the one who ends up with his knees bruised - And when that day comes and you wish you had never set off, You will follow the trail you once made And you'll come back to climb that tree again, To seek solace, hope, comfort and warmth, To find home. Climb that tree love, For it is where you'll want to be when you realize that there's no god above.

Are you scared, love? Scared of the future, Opening a bank account, Student loans, And making food only for yourself? Cleaning your own home, Applying for jobs, Getting rejected all over again? Scared of the mail with your name on it, The one and only mug in your sink? Burnt out candles and no matches When the electricity goes out 'Cause you forgot to pay the bill? Scared of your mom calling to check in, Reporting back always the same things, Scared of the routine? Wake up, feel lonely, Brush your teeth, take a piss. Feel lonely Go online laugh at different variations of a meme, Take the job you don't want, Finally give in. Feel lonely Wash up, scrub, scratch, bruise, Till you finally feel clean. Go to bed with a sad, ironic Cheshire grin, 'Cause you didn't get what you wanted, But what everybody else said you need. Are you scared, love? Scared of being at a house That holds no home within? Are you scared, love? - Yes

Do not forget, love, How it took us hours to get to that one song we both loved And danced to while the radio was playing in the background 'Cause fuck the internet and we wanted it the old school way.

Do not forget, love, How we danced until we couldn't stand anymore And our bare feet hurt on our bedroom floor at three am 'Cause you were tired and I was sad.

Forget How it never felt the same again When you pulled your body close to mine How we could never again sync our steps, How we couldn't move in time, How it never felt the same; How we changed.

But do not forget, love, Do not forget love.

People die, But their death won't make the sun stop rising. The sad hard truth Is that the world won't stop. No matter who dies, No matter who they were or could've been, No matter how close you were with them, No matter how much you loved them, No matter the injustice.

And for a while People will remember, People will grieve, And you'll feel comforted by the way they all feel just like you Because they have to understand what happened wasn't fair, And they have to spend the rest of their lives wishing for them to come back.

But then one day, While you're still trapped inside of that desperation, While you're still crying for days on end, While you're still trying to pull yourself together and salvage what was left -

That one day You'll go outside And see all those people Living their lives Continuing where they left off, Going to work, Teaching their kids to drive, Buying coffee, Writing songs, Jogging at five in the morning, Fighting with their neighbors, Crying over a broken nail, Cursing the weather, Listening to music, Falling in love.

And on that very day when you go outside You'll feel as angry as you’ll ever be, Because you’ll realize that the world didn't stop.

-

And it should have.

I want to write about a writer who stopped writing. I want to write about a writer who forgot. I want to write about me. How arrogant.

When I'm scared - I run And when I run I don't come back

I don't want you to scare me - But you do

The cemetery sleeps forever And it's always safe there. The stones, grass and the iron bench can't speak. And you see, They fly over me, They fly over a lit cigarette, They fly over a cup of coffee, They fly over the flowers, And all of them. And as they fly away, I wonder, Where is the place more peaceful? Where do they go? And will they ever come back? I see murders every day And I'm jealous of their wings.

‘I'm sorry’

Oh, tell it to the Moon, Not the stars hidden in the winter's sky That the candle light shining bright wasn't enough - It never will be

‘I'm sorry’

Don’t say it to the storm, the cold night that falls and the darkness brought upon That there's no hope for the rising sun - there never will be

‘I'm sorry’

Don’t say it to the burns scaring their way through the skin and the broken bones That the sunset has left your darling all alone Tell it to the moon She’s the only one who’ll say the truth - That your ‘I'm sorry’ isn't enough

Why are you here, why are we here? Why are you here, why are you here? You know why, you've always known; 'Cause you're that third friend, second best. The third friend, you get called if the second fails to pick up - and they never fail, no they never fail. That's why you're second best. You get called 'if' What if A what if Never to prove yourself Just a 'what if' Never to hold on to a promise A 'what if' Never to prove your worth A what 'if' What is your worth? Why are you here? When you know that you're second best, now and always... get some new fuckin' friends

hit that backspace

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Do you remember that soldier? I forgot his name... I have a strange feeling you would remember that foolish soldier? Do you remember him? The cold blooded killer that came back from war, wearing his title, his regret around his arm? Did you know him? I hear he ripped his armband away when he came back, when he saw the people he helped save right when the revolution begun; Do you remember that as well? Oh, i remember he once said: "How many more lives are you all willing to sell, to pay the price!?" He spoke his mind, wasted his words on deaf ears already fed with another man's lies; He never stood a chance, never stood a chance but that was no surprise; Do you remember what happened next? The poor soldier wound up with three bullets in his chest, and his best friends vengeance couldn't bring him back. See I had a feeling you'd remember...

Was it worth it?

Will your soul ever stop craving the warm bodies you forget about in the morning? Will my heart ever stop beating for the cold ones that don't appreciate my pulse? Are we the generation that is going to build their lives around lies? Are we ever going to pursue the future with the ones we really love, or are we going to settle for that 'I've got them wrapped around my finger' kind of safe? Are we ever going to really fall in love? And if we do, will we be able to recognize it as love when all we've ever known is lust?

A halfhearted 'hi' when I walk in A halfhearted 'bye' when I trip on my way out It's a halfhearted 'fuck' when you break a glass And a halfhearted 'thanks' when someone helps you clean it up It's halfhearted when you say you don't like me like that And it's halfhearted when you kiss me again It's halfhearted when you say 'I'm sorry' as your defense While your heart still halfheartedly beats for someone else

With your tongue down her throat, Spare me that stare love, 'cause those five shots weren't enough and it's smoke that's getting in my eyes. I'm tired of asking why; Why can't we, why is everything so, why couldn't you just, fuck me if I know. Two more shots so I can pretend your throat burns the same 'cause I know you, I know you and I know how you kiss how you touch, how you grip hard when you want everyone to read 'mine' by the bruises you leave on my lips, on my hips, between my Lies stain her lips to hide the fact that you are mine to keep.

It just seemed normal, Now it's simply a habit within a habit and you'd rather not elaborate, And the guy on the train who does the same Can't explain why he slides his tongue till he reaches the flame.

Writing in another fuck and calling it a poem reminds me of you crying and calling it an apology.

You act like you give a fuck and call it kindness, You hide behind your ‘thank you’s and ‘I’m sorry’s and call it pleasantries. You sit your fake ass next to me and call me out on my bad habits.

You love but you leave, You leave but you come back, You come back just to leave again.

And I’m tired, and amazed, And I’m disgusted, and in love, And I wish you would just stop coming back;

I want this cycle to break.

You never asked about the words hidden. Were you afraid to find out the truth? You never even tried. Were you afraid or were you ashamed? Sweep it all away. Were you surprised when you found out I left? Don't talk about it. Were you relieved? Prolong it. Do you feel guilty? It will pass. Do you miss me? Forget it. Would you take it all back? Snap. Would you change? You can't take it back.

Just like a hotel room, Paid for, slept in, forgotten about the next day

-

For the pursuit is greater than pitstops And the search feels better with some longing on the side.

When I put it like that, It sounds pretty, doesn't it?

Better, Way better than a cheap whore Who fell in love with a promise Of a payment at the end of the night.

Used, lied to, left with the first peak of the rising sun.

For I am just a pitstop Until someone better comes along.

- You said you'd stay forever And apparently, Forever ends today.

Oh how happy I was When I went to the train station in search of myself, My old self, The one I left there With all those broken hearts that once belonged to me.

To say hi.

-

I went and I was happy.

I'm still me. I'm still alright. I am alright.

But not whole.

-

See I saw a shooting star, Another one, And then another.

And I wished for you, And I can't find you.

Not like I have your number Or have you as a friend on any social media…

I mean come fucking on, I saw a shooting star and I just made a wish.

-

An arrogant asshole Shouldn't have their wish fulfilled - They deserve so much worse.

What do you deserve?

Someone, anyone but me.

I would break you. I'm like an abyss of despair, A depression full of self loathing You don't want to get sucked in.

And I'm alright with that.

It's just that On top of all my flaws I'm selfish as well. I want to pass you on the street, I want to talk to you, And find out that yes - You are actually out there, As fucked up as I am.

My perfect half, Getting out And feeling better, And being better, And I just want to know that you actually exist And that you're alright.

I'm selfish - I want to meet you So that I know that I'm letting go for sure. So that I know That there's a chance for me to be whole.

In another life, In another body, With another thoughts And another fate.

I wished for you And I want to know that it's not all a hoax; I want to know.

I'm selfish, And I admit, I'm in love. So maybe stupid too?

- Fuck it -

Show yourself you coward, Let me see what I'm giving up.

I'm happy without you, With everything going right in my life After so long, With everything falling in its place Fucking finally…

I'm selfish And I want to have you as well.

I want to say I knew it, I want to say I’ve been with you before. I’ve talked to you And I fought to be heard.

I want to say I’ve already kissed you; I have years behind me that prove we don’t work.

We don’t end up together. And if we do - We don’t end up happy.

I’ve been with you before. I’ve laughed and I’ve cried, About and for and because.

I’ve done this a thousand times.

One way or another, I come out on top every time.

I got used to seeing the end before the start, And heads turning to avoid seeing the truth.

The famous prolonging of the inevitable, Once again Was in vain.

It’s easy today. This time it’s easy.

I’ve been talking to myself this whole time.

Your voice started to sound like mine, And even though the words you spoke Were nothing like my own, It’s still the same voice. And I choose to ignore.

Someone once said, You can’t demand respect unless you give it back; And you won’t find it past midnight With a cold can in your tight grip, Surrounded by people who don’t appreciate the guitar nor the musician.

They also said that holding your hand Is not enough of a reason to hand over your heart; Sweet nothings whispered in the safety of your arms Shouldn’t be mistaken for the promises you hope to see fulfilled.

And when certain someone said it’s bad luck to count the stars We counted seven; On a cold night, in a crowded town With polluted sky - I had no interest in proving them wrong - But that’s exactly how we met.